Reality
by Lifeis2short2spellcorrectly
Summary: Will Kendall ever come to terms with what he knows that is real... wait is it real at all? Find out, future KAMES
1. Chapter 1

The boys have been in LA for at least a year and Kendall was going to have to admit that this was not the thing that he wanted. Sure, he likes singing and singing with his guys, but, something just wasn't right. To Kendall, he felt trapped. Like, his right to oxygen has been cut away from him to only have it at certain times.

Yeah, Kendall had fond a way to get rid of his frustration, but hockey didn't always help with the way he was feeling. This just wasn't him.

The guys were in the recording studio singing, Any Kind of Guy, when Kendall just stopped and stared into the mic.

James, Logan, and Carlos stopped when they didn't hear Kendall say his part, which made Gustavo blow his top.

"DOG! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

The guys and Kelly expected Kendall to snap back like always. With his cocky grin, signature smirk, and swag in his words as he yelled back at Gustavo. But, Kendall just starred into the microphone.

"DOG!"

Kendall moved his eyes from the mic to James, Logan, Carlos, Kelly, and finally landing on Gustavo, who raised his eyebrows in the question.

"I... I don't know."

The way that Kendall said it made everybody stop in their seats, even Gustavo. It sounded insecure, hurt, and broken. To top it all off, it didn't sound like Kendall Knight, fearless leader of Big Time Rush. It sounded like a little kid who just got in trouble for the first time and didn't know what to do.

James, who had always been closest to the blonde, took Kendall's head set off and pulled him out of the room. Knowing the blonde so well, James could see that Kendall on the verge of a panic attack.

He forced Kendall to put his head between his knees and breath. Sitting besides him, James rubbed Kendall's back.

"I... I don't know!'' That was all that Kendall could say. It made the remaining 3/4's of BTR worry. Kendall was the man with the plan, the person all of them could turn to, and the only human being that wasn't afraid to stand up to the plate. But, that person was gone and replaced with a broken Knight.

Finally, Kendall began to grasp his chest and looked up towards Logan, he who studies medical books knew that his best friend was having a heart attack.

Logan snapped his phone out and threw it to Carlos.

"Call 911! Kendall is having an heart attack. Kendall, look at me," Kendall did as he was told and with tears in his eyes. "You are having an heart attack, just breath for me buddy, okay?"

Carlos was off the phone once Logan started breathing with Kendall. James was starting to freak out but tried to hide it before it effected Kendall, him freaking out was not in the need right now, Kendall was, and he was going to do anything to make sure that _his_ Kendall was going to be okay.

It took minutes, for what seemed like hours to James, for the ambulance to appear. James had helped Kendall onto the stretcher seeing as he didn't like strangers touching him, but when he tried to hop in the ambulance with him, the paramedics stopped him.

"Sorry, family only," James was going to speak up for himself but Kendall had cut in.

"NO! He as to come!" That was all Kendall could get out before his breathing started to get difficult and they had to place a oxygen mask on him.

"Fine, get in," the paramedics jumped out of the way once as James jumped in and took Kendall's hand in his.

James just watched as Kendall looked only at him, not around the ambulance, not at what the paramedics, but at those brown eyes that he had done everything for. Everything meaning, getting them into the hockey team, all the girls, to the addition that made them famous, and.. making his own life whole.

James, he had known that he was in love with the blonde since eighth grade, but he had never admitted his feelings for the fear of rejection. But, seeing his Kendall like this scared the crap out of him.

Kendall squeezed James hand trying to say something but the mask made it hard for James to hear.

"Iahlahoveahyaou!." James quirked an eyebrow trying to make it out but before he could say anything, the heart monitor that James didn't see them hook up... flat lined.

(AN= What do you think?)


	2. Chapter 2

_**(James)**_

_No, this can't be happening! It just can't!_

"Charge 200!... Clear!"

_No, no, no, no,...no!_

"Nothing, charger 300! Clear!"

_I can't lose him, he can't leave me in this world with no proper good-bye! This is not an ending!_

"Nothing! Charge 400! Clear! Come on son, Clear!"

~Line break~

Who in the rainbow can draw the line where the violet tint ends and the orange tint begins? Distinctly we see the difference of the colors, but where exactly does the one first blendingly enter into the other? So with sanity and insanity?

Starring at a rainbow on top of the Palm Woods, James was going to have to go with insanity, not because he couldn't see the difference but because it stood for live. Nobody knew where ones life blends into the end, even if it was in front of ones own family.

James hadn't taken noticed how Kendall had started to drift away from their group, no, their family. He should of...

James hadn't noted the depression in those green eyes that he had starred into many times of his life, those green orbs that he considered his life line. He should of...

James hadn't looked deep enough into the love of his life, for his own protecting from fear of rejection, to see threw the facade that Kendall had set up so... hardheartedly that his friend was dieing on the inside out. He really should of...

James could feel the presence of two of his best friends walking up behind him. It had been hours since the ambulance ride... he didn't know if he was strong enough to face them yet.

Luckily, Logan could see this and sat beside the saddened boy with a sigh.

"You know, Mama Knight wants to talk to you, she can't if you don't come down to the apartment."

Carlos, who stood near the edge of the roof, looked down at all of their friends having a good time. He just wished that Kendall was one of them. Slowly he turned towards his friends with a concerned look.

"James, why didn't you tell Kendall?"

James finally lifted his eyes to meet the ones of his life long friends. He would answer, but frankly, he just couldn't find the words to put forth how he was feeling at this moment.

It took minutes but James answered, "I couldn't hear." Logan and Carlos looked between each other before back to the depressed boy, "I couldn't hear what Ken- he was trying to say. They had that stupid oxygen mask on him... He... he tried to tell me something but I just couldn't hear. I swear, when... when he flat lined my whole body was being pulled with him. I wish... just wish I would of said something sooner." The tears that James had yet to let fall, damn his so called pride, and Carlos ran forward to join in the hug that Logan had pulled their friend into.

"It isn't just your fault James, we couldn't see that Kendall was tearing himself up on the inside. We all were too stupid enough to let this whole fame thing get in the way!" Carlos stated as his friend started to sob.

"I should of! I freaking love him and I was SO stupid to just not see him suffer threw his life! You guys are the only ones who know how I feel and I... I don't know how I can tell him now... he... I can't face Mama Knight, just tell her..."

Logan face twisted, "Tell her what? That you are going to live on the roof? We need you down there right now James, Mama Knight and Katie."

"I... I don't know," James froze at his words. Logan and Carlos both flinched away from those dreaded words... the last words all of them got from their blond brother.

"James, please, I don't think I can sleep with out another person being out of the apartment in distress." Carlos pleaded, he just wanted his family to be a whole again.

It took for ever but James had composed himself just enough to walk down to the apartment with his two brothers. One on both side to keep the pretty boy going, James wouldn't of said pretty, because he hadn't looked at a mirror since that dreaded ambulance ride.

Finally, all of James strength to keep going, vanished, just left him stranded in a puddle of dread and misery that he could just feel himself about to drown in.

Maybe this is how Kendall had felt?

James was knocked out of thought, thankfully because he didn't want to think about that right now, by his two brothers looking at him worry stitched into their faces. That was the thing that was bugging James the most at this moment, they shouldn't be worrying about him but... _Kendall!_

"James, are you ready to go in?" Carlos asked.

James starred at the door as if trying to make it a thousand feet further so he wouldn't have to walk into an apartment that would be considered empty to him with out...

"JAMES," James was now snapped out of it when a little Knight jumped into his arms. "Are you okay?"

"Why are you asking me that?" People really needed to stop fussing over him. Katie should be worrying over...

"Because, you are my brother that came home!" Katie was on the verge of tears. Quickly, without thinking, James scoped the girl, he now considered a sister, up in his arms and to the couch.

"Sh.." was all James could say at this moment. He didn't know if it was going to be okay. He should of...

He didn't know if Katie was strong enough to make it threw this. He should of...

~line break~

James had sat threw the whole night with Katie. Not getting any sleep himself, to make sure that she was okay.

After he was able to leave the room with out her walking up, James ventured into the kitchen. Where, sadly, Mama Knight was up.

"Hey, can't sleep?" James just shook his head, he hadn't trusted his voice ever since entering the apartment, "You do know know that the doctor said he was going to be okay, right?"

James could see the tear stains on his second mothers face. It broke him in half.

"I should of seen it..."

"James, don't go blaming this on your own accord. Kendall... was just in a ruff patch, when he wakes up we will get things straightened out."

James only nodded.

"Promise me that you will not blame yourself for what happened today."

It took for every but finally, "Yeah, I promise."

"Good," Mama Knight kissed James on the forehead before heading back to bed. James knew that he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, so he just sat down on the couch to await his body to shut down.

(AN= How was that? I need reviews to know, but I do appreciate all the added favs and alerts... THANKS!)


	3. Chapter 3

James was woken up be somebody shaking his shoulder. It seemed like he had just fallen asleep, it can't be time to get up yet.

Forcing his eyes open, hazel met brown.

"Time to get up buddy," Logan said as he rubbed James shoulder trying to get the boy to wake up. He had seemed dead to the world when they found him, and it scared all of them.

"M'kay, what time is it?"

"9:00 bud, visiting hours starts in half an hour."

That is when everything started to rush back into James head. Kendall callousing, his broken voice, and the ambulance ride. James didn't respond to Logan, he just got up and headed to his room, but he stopped at the door.

He shared a room with Kendall. Half of it was full of everything and anything that reminded James of the broken boy. Even half of the stuff on his side reminded him of Kendall.

What if James hadn't insisted on going to that addition to be famous back at Minnesota. Kendall wouldn't of found a way to get all four of the boys to the addition, he would still be playing his favorite sport almost 24/7 going after that scholarship they all knew that he was going to get, and not in a hospital bed on the brick of death.

Okay, that was a little over board but still, he wouldn't be in a elevator.

Jumping out of his daze, James slowly walked to his side of the room without looking at anything that could possibly remind him of the beloved blond.

Everybody waited down in the kitchen for James to come join them. When he finally did come down, nobody thought it was actually the James they all knew and loved.

The person that was walking towards them was a complete opposite of him.

Uncombed hair, beanie on, baggy jeans, old t-shirt from high-school, and his rarely used glasses on.

After standing there for about fifteen minutes James spoke up.

"What?"

"Lets go," Mama Knight said jumping out of her own state and heading towards the door. Katie was at her heals, and Logan and Carlos stood there for a little longer staring at their life long friend.

"Please don't beat your self up over this James," Carlos said before walking out of the apartment. Logan and James were left standing.

"I don't look that bad!" His tone was even wrong, choppy and broken. With a sigh of defeat, James slumped out of the apartment to meat up with everybody else, Logan shut the door behind them.

~Line break~

The car ride was uneventful. Nobody spoke and nobody even looked at each other.

Once they arrived at the hospital James stayed back in the waiting room claiming that he needed to us the bathroom.

He didn't know if her was going to be able to walk into Kendall's room without breaking down. Slowly, after a 20 minute bathroom break, James slowly made his way towards his hell.

Not five feet from the door, Logan came out.

"There you are," taking just one look towards James Logan walked forward and dragged him in a hug, "We are going to make it threw this."

It took a moment but James hugged his life long friend back. It felt good but his heart was still split, right down the middle.

"Thanks Logie."

"Anytime buddy." The smart boy led James into the room where they found Mama Knight holding a sleeping Katie and Carlos starring at the back wall. James looked towards the bed in the room, there were so many mechanisms hooked up to the poor boy. The tube that was placed down his throat last night was gone and replace by a little tube going around his head and up his nose.

The heart monitor, that made James nervous, was beeping steadily, and about four more that James couldn't place.

The boy in the bed didn't look like the boy that he fell in love with, he looked like a stranger.

Slowly, James made it to the open seat by Kendal's bed. Sitting down, James grabbed one of Kendall's hands before closing his eyes.

This was not happening.


	4. Chapter 4

It has been days since they last heard Kendall talk any kind of words. That is what is felt like to James. A thousand sleepless days waiting to hear the blond speak.

The nurses had told them that during the night he is up all the time, but when they get there during the day he fain sleep.

Three days.

That is how long he had been in the hospital. That is how long since James last looked into a mirror, Carlos put his helmet on, and Logan even mutter a single word about anything school related.

On the second day, James was at the hospital with Carlos, Mama Knight, and Katie went to go get something to eat.

When James was coming back from the bathroom he heard Kendall talk to Logan.

_"I can't talk to him Logan. Not to any one, just leave me alone."_

_"Kendall, you need to quit hiding and open up, we want to help. Did you know how hard everyone is taking this? James won't even touch a cuda product let alone look in a mirror, Carlos hasn't acted all hyper or even put on his helmet, Katie isn't even that little mature girl we know and love, Mama Knight won't talk to anybody, and you know how I am taking it."_

_"Logan, I can't talk about it! Okay? I... if I told you guys.. you would hate me."_

_"Kendall all of us have been friends since we were in diapers, I am sure that what ever is bothering you won't make us hate you.''_

_Kendall was silent._

Since that day James has been trying to get Logan to tell him how he got Kendall to talk to him, but the smart boy refused.

Right now, it was just Mama Knight and James at the hospital. The doctor said that Kendall still isn't stable enough to go home, but it should be soon.

Walking down to the cafeteria, Mama Knight turned on James.

"James, out of all the boys you have known Kendall the best. I know how hard you are taking this and I want you to stay tonight. See if you can get him to talk. I have tried but he refuses to talk to me."

James saw the tear stains on her cheeks and how sunk in her eyes looked. She had stayed here so many nights that it didn't even look like she knew what sleep was.

"Okay, go home and get some sleep."

"Please, just go easy on him."

James nodded as he led her to her car. Quick, with a hug and kiss, Mama Knight drove off and to a much needed bed.

As James was walking back into the hospital, he couldn't help but think about that ambulance ride. Keeping the part about the flat lining out of his mind, James concentrated on trying to figure out what Kendall had said to him.

That stupid air mask kept him from hearing his friend, and he wished he would of known what he had said.

Entering the room, he noticed the way Kendall's eyes quickly closed. With a heavy sigh, James sat across from the blonds bed.

"Kendall, I know you aren't going to respond to me and that you are up so just listen. Whatever is bugging you, just please know that you can open up to anyone. It doesn't have to be me, it could be your sister, Carlos, Logan, or Mama Knight, but you need to know that we all care for you. We all want to see you back up on your feet and the doctor said you can't do that unless you find a way to calm down your stress level." Without even thinking about the next sentence James said, "Kenny, I have known you my whole life. You are not the kind of person to box himself up. You told me everything, and I don't want you to stop just because of one thing that you think is going to make me hate you. I could never hate the person that I lo-"

James cut himself off before he could get it out, that wasn't even suppose to be on his mind.

Kendall's eyes flew open as he looked towards James. Starring at each other, James paled and Kendall tried to look for words to say.

"What were you going to say?" those were the very first words that he has heard out of the blond in almost four days. It felt good but yet horrifying at the same time.

"N-nothing."

"James-"

"Kendall! I am the one trying to get you to talk, not the other way around. Before I tell you what I was about to say you have to tell me what you told me during the ambulance ride."

Kendall's face hardened a little and James thought that maybe he stepped over the wrong line. He couldn't afford to do that now, not after he just got him talking.

"I didn't say anything James."

"Yes you did, I heard you, but I couldn't understand because of the oxygen tube they were trying to send down your throat!" James couldn't help but choke on those last few words. They were suicide to come out of his mouth.

Kendall noticed, and his face softened almost right away.

"I said,... you are going to hate me for this."

"I could never hate you Kendall!" James tried, but tears were starting to form at the corners of his eyes.

"I said that I love you." Kendall dropped James gaze and added, "I can change though, I can get over it okay!"

"Kendall-"

"No! I said I can change and that is what I am going to do, it has just been hard since Jo left okay!"

"Kendall-"

"James! Just leave okay,... leave"

"God dammit Kendall, would you ever let me get a word in?" Looking up Kendall saw that James was now a foot away from his face on the bed. "I love you too, can't you see that? I have been a wreck during this whole thing thinking that the one person I have truly loved is going to die because he has been too stressed trying to make _my_ dream come true! I love you Kendall and if coming here is going to put you in danger of your life then we won't be here any more."

James got off of the bed, turning his back to Kendall.

"I can't see you get hurt for me."

"Jamie, this isn't because of you. I have had too much on my plate since the beginning, what with my dad gone, my supermarket job, hockey, and school. Getting to know you was the best thing in my life that could happen to me. I came here so we could spend more time together. Please, look at me."

James turned and looked at the boy he had fallen in love with in 9th grade.

"I love you." With that tears sprang to Kendall's eyes as if they were in there for years just building up pressure.

James ran forward and engulfed Kendall in a hug.

"I love you too Kenny."

Together, James let silent tears fall while Kendall just sobbed into James' shirt, gripping it as if it was his life line. Only to pull apart when James' phone rang and a nurse to came in and check on Kendall saying that he was too stressed.

"Hello?" James asked as he walked out of the room to get away from the glare the nurse sent him.

"James?" it was Logan.

"Hey Logan," James' voice was shaking and he had a hard time trying to control it.

"Are you okay? Is Kendall okay?"

"Yeah, just a little shaken, I got him to talk."

The line was silent on the other end.

"Logan?"

"How! How did you get him to talk!"

"I just started to talk to him when he tried to look like he was sleeping. It worked and he opened up to me."

"James, this is awesome, what did he say?"

James froze, he didn't know if he was going to be able to tell Logan or anybody about how Kendall felt for him, look were he is at. Sighing James turned and started to walk down the hall way.

"James? Are you okay? You sound as if you are about to have a heart attack and if you do Carlos an I are going to strap you and Kendall to beds until you guys tell us what is going the heck on."

"Logan, I can't really tell you what he said because I don't know if he wants anybody to know yet. I want to respect that okay? Since I finally got him to talk it wouldn't be a very smart move to just tell you something that he probably thought I would keep to myself."

"Okay, but Carlos and I are coming over first thing in the morning. No if's, and's, or but's about it."

James chuckled, "Okay, see you guys then." James hung up and walked back towards Kendall's room. The nurse was still in there but she was giving Kendall a very scary lecture.

"Um.. what is this about?" James asked.

"Will, since his heart rate got going faster than needed he almost had another heart attack mister. I told you and your family that he needed to stay relaxed until the doctor told him he could leave, and if you make his heart rate go up one more time you are out of here." The nurse walked out after that and James turned to a laughing Kendall. God it felt good to hear him laugh.

"Okay, she told you."

"Hey, she probably yelled at you more before I even got in here!" James pulled up a chair next to Kendall's bed. "Since you are suppose to relax and keep your heart rate at a certain pace, we are going to watch TV."

"Okay, but no hair shows or anything stupid." James pretended to be offended but he was just too happy to have Kendall talking to him once more.

Turning the tube to Criminal Minds, the two sat in silence for a while. Kendall was the one to break that.

"James, what does this make us?"

James had been wondering about that too, but he didn't want to bring it up just in case it hurt Kendall.

"What do you want it to be?"

"I love you, ever since 9th grade I can't get that to go away."

"Wait, so you have had a thing for me since 9th grade?" James said trying to be surprised, but when Kendall blushed he couldn't hold it in. "Kenny, I have liked you since then too."

"Really?" Kendall's face lite up with a love struck smile. He reached forward and grabbed James arms to pull him into a huge hug.

"Kenny, will you be my boyfriend?"

Kendall pulled back and looked into James' eyes.

"Yes."

James smiled, he sworn he would of kissed the boy but the nurse came back in... uh oh. Apparently the news was too much for Kendall to handle at the moment. (James talked to the doctor before he headed home, the nurse was a perfectionist that had to have everything at a certain point. If not then it is wrong and somebody could die.)

So James call Carlos and let him know what was going on. After getting scolded by Logan, Carlos took James' place and stayed with Kendall. By the time he was there though Kendall was already asleep.

The next day, when Logan and James went over to the hospital, Carlos and Kendall were laughing about something. James found it offending when he saw the same nurse in there laughing with them. What about his heart rate?

"Will, my shift is over, see you later Carlos, Kendall." as she was leaving she gave James a cold look just causing Kendall to laugh even harder.

"Okay, that is not fair!" James said as he went over and gave Kendall a hug. They held on longer than normal but nobody seemed to notice.

Logan was next, giving Kendall a huge hug, also giving the blond a knowing look that caused him to blush. James was a little worried about that but didn't say anything. He just sat next to Kendall pulling the chair as close as he could get it.

"So, how was your guys' night?" James asked. His hand twitched in his lap, he wanted to just grab Kendall's hand and hold it.

"Will, sick-o over there slept for the most part of it and I got to know the nurse while she kept giving him some medication. Why does she hate you so much?"

"James, apparently, was bad for my stress level so he gt kicked out. The first time I could see me getting worked up but the second time I didn't... so I think she is just jealous that she doesn't have the hair he does."

While everybody laughed, Kendall faced pained while his hands went to his side. Noticing right away Logan called the nurses, Carlos freaked, and James wasn't ready to watch this scene all over again.

**uh-oh what is suppose to happen now! Review and then you will get your wish to know!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I know it has been a while, and sorry but please read and review! I love when you do!**

Logan and Carlos where sitting in the waiting room trying to get James to calm down. Yeah, they were freaking out too but compared to James, they would be considered normal.

"James, you need to sit down, Kendall is going to be fine!" Logan said as he went and stood in front of his taller friend. "I am pretty sure that it is nothing to be worried about." Lie.

"How? How do you know that?"

"Because it didn't look like another heart attack to me okay? he did not seize up this time like he did that last time. The worst thing that it could of been was a stroke-" Oops, wrong thing to say.

"A stroke! That isn't good Logan! He could die from that!"

"James! You are going to end up on a hospital bed yourself here if you don't calm down!" Carlos said as he grabbed one of his friends arms. "Look at me, Kendall is a fighter okay? He is going to be fine."

James looked between Logan and Carlos. They both seemed pretty calm themselves but James knew better. They were just hiding it so they could calm him down.

"I can't... I can't loose him again." James said as he slowly backed into a chair and hide his face in his hands.

Sitting on both sides of him, Carlos and Logan tried to comfort their friend more.

"James, when I came in last night, the nurse said something about Kendall crying to you. What is that all about?" Carlos asked trying to get his mind off of now and to last night that seemed to be a good thing for him.

"I... I got him to talk."

"Yeah, we know that , but what did you tell him to get him to open up because I sure had a hell of a time getting him to say anything." Logan said.

"I told him, I finally told him."

Looking at Logan, Carlos broke into a huge smile.

"Finally?" James nodded into his hands. "What did he say to you?"

Before he could answer, Logan cut in on him.

"I am guessing that he said that he loved you too." James looked to Logan as if he had two heads.

"How did you know?"

"Will, Kendall has always been an open book to me, more than you guys so I kinda cornered him about it about a year before Gustavo came. I saw him checking you out one day in the locker room so I had to know." James turned red.

"You guys aren't mad or anything, right?"

"How could we be? We grew up with you guys! Its not like we are going to think about you guys any differently! I mean, Kendall will always be that same leader that we all know and love, and you will be the girly boy that likes his hair more than anything!"

Carlos got a punch for that one.

"Hey, I love Kendall way more that my hair."

Getting Logan and Carlos to chuckle a bit, a doctor stepped into the room.

"Kendall Knight?"

James shot out of his chair before Logan and Carlos could even comprehend what the doc had said.

"That's us, is he okay?"

"I am sorry but I can not tell you what is going on until a parent or guardian in present, is Mrs. Knight around?"

"um.. yeah, I called and she should be here in a few minutes, but is it okay if we go back and seem him?" Logan asked, he could tell that James was getting more pissed at this doctor by the minutes and he just needed something to calm him down. Kendall would be the only thing that would do that.

"Yes, he was moved to room 283, just right down the hall." James had taken off before the doctor could finish his sentence but Logan and Carlos were right behind him.

Stopping in the door way, the trio stared at what was their best friend.

He now had an oxygen mask on his face instead of a tube, thank god for James' sake because he didn't know what could of happened if he saw another one down his throat. The stupid heart monitor was hooked up again which was going to send James' into a frenzy anyway.

Surrounded by the whit sheets, white gown, and whit room, Kendall's naturally pale skin looked so much lighter that you would maybe mistake him for dead.

Slowly, James walked forward and took him by the hand. Scooting the chair as close as he could get it, James wouldn't take it eyes off of the blond. The lifeless feel in the boys hand made the tears start flowing down the pretty boy's face.

Logan and Carlos watched the scene play out with heart broken faces. They could tell that the boy was in love with the blond full and full, but they didn't deserve this. Not all of the heart break, just the reality of how thin life could be, torn them all apart.

Choosing, their spots to sit, the two watched at James cried into Kendall's hand.

(line break)

It has been about half an hour now and Mama Knight had shown up 15 minutes ago, leaving Katie at home, and was talking to the doctor alone.

Logan and Carlos walked back into the room with three cups of hot coffee knowing that it would calm the pretty boy down.

Handing it to James, Logan set his down on the table so he could slowly take James' hand out of Kendall's. He had stopped crying by now and just held a blank stare, witch was now refoucased into his coffee.

As Mama Knight stepped back into the room she looked towards James first and was worried for her almost son. He lived with them enough, even before BTR that he was just like her son.

Looking towards Logan and Carlos she let a small smile slip.

"He is going to be okay, just a reaction to the medication the started him on last night."

Logan and Carlos let out relieved sighs, at least he was going to be okay. Looking towards James though they saw a broken boy.

"James, did you hear? He is going to be okay!" Carlos said hoping to cheer the boy up.

Looking from his coffee, James' face held sadness and shattered hope.

"I... he needs to wake up for me to believe that."

**Review and the next chapter is going to be sooner!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Last chapter! Also, this is the first story I have finished! YEAH!**

James was still sitting besides Kendall while everybody else had gone home. Will, Logan and Carlos had decided to come back with a sweater for James. They planned on staying with the pretty boy threw the whole night, so on the way back they were also going to grab three cups of coffee.

As James watched Kendall's face he noticed that he look peaceful. Almost like he liked to be asleep with everybody worrying about him. He knew that it was the wrong thing to be thinking about but right now James just couldn't help it.

Getting up, he noticed that the mean nurse had come in with Kendall's new medican. She seemed to soften when she saw James because she didn't glare at him.

"You must have a strong connection with your friend here." She said with out looking up from the chart that she was looking at.

Surprised by her words James just nodded.

"About the other night, I am sorry. I didn't realize what you were trying to do. Mama Knight talked to me before she left and explained that you were just trying to talk to him about something that had to be important."

"More than you think..." James turned his eyes back to the boy sleeping in the bed.

"If it makes you feel better, he is going to wake up."

"It doesn't..." James noticed that she got a little annoyed by his answer so he said, "Its not that its not true, but I have had to many people in my life not wake up when they were said too."

She just nodded before giving Kendall he medican threw his IV. Once she was done she faced the boy, giving his shoulder a tight squeeze, she left.

James was still looking at the blond in the bed. It really scared him, if Kendall didn't wake up like his dad didn't he would see no reason in staying in LA. Once Kendall made his dream come true, his dream turned into one with Kendall.

Not having the boy with him... the dream wasn't there.

Logan and Carlos came about fifteen minutes later. Logan had gave James his coffee before sitting down next to him.

"Has there been anything?" Logan knew that it wasn't something to bring up, but he couldn't stop it from sliping threw his lips.

Sighing, James rubbed his face, "Nothing."

This worried the two, James had never been this... dull.

~line break~

It was now midnight. Carlos had dosed off but Logan and James were still awake watching the muted TV which was showing a Criminal Minds episode. Really they were just staring at something to keep from talking but Logan knew that they would have to eventually so, why not?

"James.. how are you? I mean, how are you taking this?"

"Fine."

"Bull shit." Logan wasn't going to sit there and watch his friend suffer, when he could actually help him. "You know that you are lying to your self right?"

Taken back from Logan's blow up, James got up and stood looking out the window.

"You don't know how many times I have had to go threw something like this Logan."

"James, he is going to wake up, it was just a reaction to a medican that his body couldn't take! That is all, they caught it in time as to where it isn't going to do much damage!"

"No Logan, that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about how people say that they are going to wake up. They never do! My dad didn't from his car crash. My grandpa didn't from his stroke, and my sister didn't from the school shooting! Kendall has been with me threw all of those helping me threw them. Heck, he even tried to shield the bullet from my sister having taken the worst of the hit. you can't keep saying that he will wake up because in my mind I know that it is just a cover up for what is really going to happen!"

Logan was speechless. He knew about every one of the deaths that James had listed. He didn't think he took that hard. He didn't even know that Kendall was that close to him.

"James-"

"No, I can't live without Kendall. If he... dies from this you can pretty much consider me dead too. He has been their for me too much for a little promise that he is 'going' to wake up for me to hang on to that. Nobody knows... nobody." James was now facing Logan, the smart boy could see the tears trying to break threw but James was holding the in,

"James, Kendall is going to make it threw this. There is no if, and, or but about it. He is going to walk out of this hospital like the boy that we all know and love."

"Yeah, but what brought him in here? What brought him out to LA to all the stress that we knew, we KNEW, was going to be set on our shoulders?"

Logan, for once, didn't know that answer. Right now, all that he knew was he got James to vent and he really needed this.

"What James?"

"My dream, my need to get to the audition because I wanted to be famous. He was always doing the things that I wanted to do. Will, my dream changed when I moved out here with him. It changed into one with him no matter what."

Stepping forward Logan pulled James into the hall way to keep him from waking up Carlos. Walking into the empty waiting room, Logan sat the boy down.

"You need to see what is in front of you James. Yes, Kendall did get us out here so you can live your dream, but he also did it so we could all spend some more time together. He knew what this was going to do to all of us, maybe not to such an extent but still. He knew, but you know why he went any way?"

James just looked down shaking his head.

"He did it for the boy that he loves." James' head snapped up. "Yes, I said love. James, Kendall does love you even if he doesn't realize it yet."

Letting one tear fall James pulled the smart boy into a hug.

"Thanks Logie."

Logan just laughed.

~Line break~  
>Carlos woke up by himself in Kendall's room. Looking around, he wondered where James and Logan had gone.<p>

Glancing at the clock he noticed that it was six in the morning.

"God, it has been a long night," muttering to himself, Carlos looked towards the bed. It didn't look like Kendall had waken up yet. He was still in the same position.

Logan and James walked in with coffee in time to see Carlos slump onto the floor.

"Geez Carlos, didn't think you were ever going to stop snoring," Logan said as he handed him a cup.

"Shut up."

Taking their seats James got back up right away.

"I can't take this any more!" James started to pace the room. "If he doesn't wake up soon I am going to pull all my hair out!"

"Then your hair is going to have to suffer..." Kendall said in a hoarse voice.

Making a direct v-line for Kendall's side, James started to get hi hair out of his face.

"Hey..."

"Water?"

Logan appeared before James could open his mouth with a glass.

"Here, how are you feeling?" James asked as he watched Kendall take a drink.

"Like I swallowed a huge pill, what happened?"

"You had a bad reaction to the medication they put you on for the heart attack." Logan said as he stood at the bottom of the bed. "Gave us a big scared, you have been out for over two days."

"Yeah, this one here," Carlos pointed towards James, "Hasn't left the hospital since. He pretty much claimed the seat by your bed."

Kendall looked towards James, the boy looked tired.

"You should of gone back to 2J."

"Why?"

"A bed."

James just laughed before grabbing Kendall's hand in his own. Kendall was going to pull back since Logan and Carlos were in the room, but he was too weak. He could feel his face getting red. James chuckled a little before taking his hand up and cupping his face.

"They know Kenny, they kinda figured it out."

"Oh.." Kendall looked up into James' eyes, ending up in an eye lock. "James.. I am sorry."

"For what?"

"For all of this, not being able to handle everything..."

"Its not your fault Kenny.. just, shut up. We do not need to talk about that, okay? Just.. shut up."

Carlos and Logan could see that the two had a moment going on and that they needed to be alone so they stepped out into the hall way.

Kendall saw them go, but he wasn't going to say anything. He thanked them for it.

Taking his hand, James pulled Kendall's face back towards him.

"You should know this has been hell.''

"I thought that we weren't going to talk about this-"

"It has been hell because I couldn't hold your hand without you holding mine back. And... not being able to kiss you for the first time."

Kendall sucked in a breath as he felt James' lean closer, he stopped just centimeters away looking at Kendall to finish, but the blonde had closed his eyes. Taking the last step, James pressed his lips to Kendall's.

There was a spark that neither had even felt before. It was ... awesome.

"Hey Kendall- oh.."

"You idiot I told you to wait!" James pulled back to Look at Logan and Carlos who were standing in the door way.

Kendall had buried his head into James' chest full of embarrassment.

"Um.. we could come back." Carlos said.

"No, what do you want?" James asked as he wrapped his arms around the shaking blonde.

"We were wondering if.. Kendall would like to call his mom to tell her that he had woken up."

James laughed.

**THE END! (there might be a sequel! Please tell me if there should be!)  
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